I hate unsolicited sales of any kind.

I scared the beejees (heh) out of the last salesgirl that showed up at my door.

You're thinking with a gun right? After all, this is Texas and I'm an Army Vet...

No.

Yelling?

No.

Solicitors are trained to expect those reactions.

My methods take a finely tuned degree of, "loathing for all things unsolicited" coupled with the salt of Linus Torvalds, the IDGAC of Batman and topped off with the channeling of my Southern Grandmother.

I answered deliberately slow and sweet, articulating every syllable while I told her I knew she read the signs but chose to ignore them... pausing for effect. Making no threats, but somehow my words dripped with venom.

She was visibly shaking.

I don't think she even knew why she was scared. It's the unknown. Why did this person react this way and what do they know that I don't know. And... how fast can I run.

My family cautiously came out of their hidden parts of the house as I spoke... their mouths agape. As the girl scurried away, they were stunned, saying I sounded more sweetly menacing than anything they'd ever imagined.

I was equated to Lady Bone Demon (thank you, nice compliment) from Lego Monkey Kid.

I suspect the salesgirl had no idea why my words had that affect on her.

Sorry hon... I don't need your security.

I am security.